It’s the most wonderful time of the year, but can also be the most stressful, lonely and difficult one. A recent thread on Mumsnet about people’s worst Christmases revealed tale after tale of Christmases that were memorable for all the wrong reasons, with stories of drunken relatives, toxic families and abusive spouses.
And even without the difficulties of family time at Christmas, there is so much pressure on us to make Christmas perfect, from the Instagram posts of perfectly curated colour co-ordinated trees and piles of presents, to the relentless messages from all quarters to spend, spend, spend on things we don’t need or can’t afford, whether it’s on useless gifts that end up going in a cupboard and then to the charity shop or the latest toy or piece of jewellery that leaves you overdrawn well into spring.
Each year brings a new gimmick that we’re encouraged to spend on, from Elf on the Shelf, to Christmas Eve boxes and beauty advent calendars. And that’s not to the mention the ‘must-do’ Christmas experiences, whether it’s the local Christmas light show at £15 per head, Santa’s grotto, or the Christmas markets that can end up setting you back a fortune. It can be unaffordable for the average family.
And then there are those of us who find Christmas sad and painful. Perhaps it was once a happy time, but you’ve lost someone special in your life and Christmas is a reminder of how things used to be. Or you’re not in the place you’d want to be in life – perhaps you wish for a partner, or children, to share Christmas with, but find yourself without. Sometimes it can feel as though everyone is enjoying Christmas except you.
Any and all of these things can lead to stress, depression and burnout at Christmas. Here’s our guide to looking after yourself at Christmas so January doesn’t begin with you feeling exhausted, miserable and overwhelmed.
Take some time on your own in nature. Even if this means braving the elements and taking a ten-minute walk around the local park or green space, it will benefit your mood and help to make you feel happier and less stressed. A 2020 study from Cornell University showed that just ten minutes spent in a natural setting can improve mood and reduce stress levels. It doesn’t matter whether you’re walking or just sitting – getting outside will help to make you feel better. While you’re out, take time to notice what’s around you. The sound of the birds, or the feeling of the wind, or the noise of the rain gently falling on the pavement. Slow everything down and just breathe.
And if you have a little longer, and can do so safely, we cannot recommend the tonic of a swim in cold water enough for resetting your mood – you’ll come out of the water feeling totally refreshed, with whatever was worrying you hopefully feeling a little less big and overwhelming than it did before you went in the water. Just make sure you follow the rules for safe swimming – go with someone else or tell someone where you’re going, make sure you’re familiar with the body of water you’re swimming in, don’t get too cold and get out if you start feeling warm or tired. Read more tips on safe outdoor swimming here.
Remember that the best things in life really are free. Recently, we decided to go to London to visit the Christmas markets. This was a nice idea on paper, but ended up being stressful with the crowds, noise and queues. On the way back home, I told our 11 year old that I was sorry the day hadn’t been as Christmassy as we’d hoped. She replied that to her the most Christmassy thing she could think of was all of us sitting in our living room watching Christmas movies together. You don’t have to spend money to make Christmas.
Try a mindfulness meditation. Carve out five or ten minutes for yourself to spend time meditating, and remember that self-care doesn’t mean self-indulgence. A meditation in the morning can set the tone for the day, and help you recognise and manage any feelings that have come up over Christmas time. I have posted before about how invaluable I find mindfulness meditation and how helpful in managing any negative emotions I might be feeling. Try these Calm Moment meditations which have been especially tailored for Christmas.
Just say no. Remember that you don’t have to say yes to every Christmas opportunity that comes your way. This year, there are far fewer socialising opportunities, so December is far less of a whirlwind. Remember though, it’s fine to pass up invitations if it’s all feeling too much. You don’t have to go to the midnight mass carol service on Christmas Eve, or your neighbour’s drinks party, or the informal office Christmas lunch. No one is judging and no one is keeping score – Christmas isn’t about how many people you see and how many events you attend.
Connect with people over Christmas. Check in on your loved ones, especially this year. It may not be possible to do this in person, but if you know someone close to you who might be having a hard time over Christmas, resolve to check in on them regularly. It will make you, and them, feel good.
Practise gratitude. Think about the things that you are grateful for this Christmas. This could be your health, a warm home, friends and family, good food to eat, the sight of frost on the lawn and the blue December sky. It’s a good way to remind yourself that there is always something to be grateful for in life, even if it seems small. Christmas is a perfect time to reflect on the good things in life, as once you start you usually find that there is more than you might imagine.
Plan beyond Christmas. If this time of year is really difficult for you, try to plan something nice for January and beyond. Maybe book a holiday, lunch with friends, arrange a walk in the countryside or invite someone over for a meal. It will give you a focus beyond Christmas and something to look forward to.
Remember that it’s just one day. Be kind to yourself. Everyone else in the world apart from you isn’t having an amazing time. What you see on Instagram, however lovely it is – the piles of presents, children in matching Christmas pyjamas, stockings by a roaring fire – is rarely the full picture. For most people, Christmas time, like life, is a mixture of happy moments and flashes of stress and sadness.
If you’re finding Christmas really difficult, help is out there. Here are some services that can help .